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Just One More Chance

2nd chance

Today I’m writing a story as part of the AW February Blog Chain. I loved January’s effort and some of the comments I received were amazing. I can only hope this month brings the same kind of niceties.

This month’s cue is second chances, which is a nice change to the usual February lovey dovey prompts. Please take a look at the bottom of the post at all the contributors, and please go and read and comment and generally be sociable in this lovely online world. So there we go, here’s my attempt at second chance writing.

Why’s it so dark? I feel so light, as though my body is no longer mine. I mean I can see it, but why can’t I feel it? Why’s everything a blur? Why does the world smell of nothing?

The last thing I remember is standing outside the coffee shop. The cold bit at my neck so I pulled her tighter. She smelt so good, just like she always does. And her breath, I love it when she has coffee; it makes her breath so enticing!

I kissed her one last time and turned and then…oh, the car!

That’s right, it was coming so fast. My muscles trying to react but time stood still. My brain was shouting at my legs to move, but it was too late. A strange sensation hit me. Not like the usual pain you get when you stub your toe, but a strange, haunting sensation. It was pain, but at the same time quite tranquil. Shouldn’t you feel more when a car hits you?

The strange blur is still here, but I can see faces around me. That means I’m still alive, right? Surely I can’t be, you know…dead.

But the faces are foreign. Where’s Bex? Where is she? I should be able to see her shouldn’t I? Why are all these strange people in white coats filling my eyes? And why the hell can’t I move my neck? Maybe she’s at the side of me waiting for me to comfort her.

Oh, of course, they’re doctors. They must be, they must be here to fix me. Or maybe they’re here to let me go. Wait, don’t give up, I’m not ready to go. We only just got back together, why would you take her away from me so soon. Or rather, why would you take me away from her?

I need her, where is she? She must be so scared. Let me get up! Let me move my head and find her.

The room is still without smell. Hospitals usually smell. Maybe I’m not in a hospital. Maybe these white fluorescent, blurry figures aren’t doctors. But if not, what could they be? Who else wears white? Dentists wear white, but why would a dentist be hovering above me? They really do look like they’re hovering. Anti gravity being’s with a sense of tranquillity.

Oh no, maybe they’re… you know…Angels. No I’m not ready! I just need one more chance. Please, don’t take me yet. I’m not ready; I just need one more shot at things. We only just got back together.

I miss her already. Her smell and touch and the small dimples that appear around her mouth when she smiles, or even better, when she’s mad at something I’ve done. Not really mad, just annoyed. Like the time I mad fun of her singing. It was playful and nice, and her pouting was cute and inviting.

Why is this happening now? For months I was in despair, willing this on. You just had to wait until now didn’t you? Just as she let’s me back into her life!

I’m sorry Bex. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused and I’m sorry for this. I should have looked. I should have been careful.

The light’s beginning to fade now. I can barely see the faces hovering above me. I wish I could see her one more time. Her beautiful blue eyes and button topped nose. Maybe the fading light is good. Maybe it means I’m returning so we can laugh about this and grow old with each other.

But it’s nearly dark now and darkness is never good. Maybe this time though…maybe I can…maybe it…maybe…

Thanks for reading guys and gals. Like I say, please visit the other contributors to this month’s Blog Chain. The talent is usually great so I’m sure you’ll get something useful from the experience.

Turndog Millionaire – @turndog_million

orion_mk3 – http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to this month’s post)
Turndog-Millionaire – http://turndog-millionaire.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Ralph Pines – http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
magicmint – http://www.loneswing.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Tomspy77 – http://thomaswillamspychalski.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
MamaStrong – http://writingofme.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
in_one – http://quirkythomas.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
LilGreenBookworm – http://themayhemofwritingsahm-style.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
LiterateParakeet – http://lesliesillusions.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Diana_Rajchel – http://blog.dianarajchel.com/ (link to this month’s post)
sambgood – http://www.samanthabagood.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Bogna – http://bemaslanka.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
writingismypassion – http://charityfaye.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
kiwiviktor81 – http://storygenerator.net/ (link to this month’s post)
AFord – http://af12.webs.com/ (link to this month’s post)
randi.lee – http://emotionalnovel.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
These Mean Streets – http://ohno-anotherwritingblog.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
areteus – http://lurkingmusings.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Domoviye – http://living-working-in-china.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
pyrosama – http://matrix-hole.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)

Picture By zyphichore

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About Turndog Millionaire

Strategic Marketing Consultant and Author of Fiction & Non-Fiction. Here to share my love for modern day marketing & writing. Can I Help?

Discussion

24 thoughts on “Just One More Chance

  1. I notice that you have an affinity for first-person depictions of, shall we say, altered states of consciousness. It definitely works for this short-short, and the ending is at least hopeful 🙂

    Posted by alexp01orion_mk3 | February 7, 2012, 6:54 pm
    • I know, both so far have been first person, but ironically enough my novel is in the 3rd.

      I like to play about with different POV’s though, and i think i’ve a lot to learn about 1st person

      I felt as thought it was a bit stilted at times and redundant. Thanks for the kind words though 🙂

      Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

      Posted by Turndog Millionaire | February 7, 2012, 10:17 pm
  2. Wow, that was great! Like I was there with him, fighting to live for the chance to see his true love one more time. Good job.

    Posted by Charity | February 7, 2012, 7:09 pm
  3. Haunting. and almost claustrophobic.

    I really like this ” It was pain, but at the same time quite tranquil. Shouldn’t you feel more when a car hits you?” What a great take on it.

    Posted by Dale Long | February 8, 2012, 1:49 pm
  4. How disturbing. Very well written.

    Posted by Diane Carlisle | February 9, 2012, 9:22 pm
  5. Gah! I was reading along thinking there would be a happy ending. You held my attention the whole way Matt, good job.

    Posted by Suzanne Seese | February 10, 2012, 4:12 pm
  6. I found this a disturbing but hopeful piece. I especially liked the surreal take on a near-death experience and the sense of disconnection evoked by having the narrator view the scene from “outside”. I’ve never died but I imagine that if one remains conscious there would be an element of bargaining with the powers that be, so that was nice and realistic for me.

    Posted by Vince McLeod | February 11, 2012, 8:04 am
  7. That was fun. My favorite part was the “is it doctors? dentist? no..angels? ack” Good job.

    Posted by Leslie | February 13, 2012, 9:44 pm
  8. I wanted so bad for it to end happily! I kept reading until I reached the end to find out, and you still left me wanting more, great work!

    Posted by JulzPerri | February 14, 2012, 2:23 am
    • Glad you liked it 🙂

      I always like to leave an ending where people can mek their own mind up. Some assume happy ending, others a bad one. I think it’s the best part about writing (and reading). We all have our own thoughts on things

      Matt (turndog Millionaire)

      Posted by Turndog Millionaire | February 14, 2012, 5:18 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: AW’s February 2012 Blog Chain: Second Chances/Not Goodbye but Farewell (DA:O Fic) « Neither Here nor There…. - February 8, 2012

  2. Pingback: Second Chances (Short Fiction) « Thomas Willam Spychalski - February 10, 2012

  3. Pingback: The Imaginary Hallway « Bogna Maslanka - February 19, 2012

  4. Pingback: Second Chances [AW Feburary blog chain] « Lurking Musings - February 21, 2012

  5. Pingback: Expats in China: Second Chances « Living and Working in China - February 21, 2012

  6. Pingback: Second Chances (An AW February Blog Chain Entry) | paper heroes - February 21, 2012

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